Using someone else’s computer. If they don’t use Google Chrome, well fuck. Even if they do use Chrome, none of my logins and passwords are saved so I have to type everything in manually.
Waiting more than 10 minutes for an Uber cab. Most of the time, Uber cabs show up within a couple minutes as if you had summoned a magical unicorn to rescue you from the pedestrian vexation of hailing a taxi. If I’m paying double the cost of a taxi, I shouldn’t have to wait 5 minutes, let alone 10.
Wired tethering. My phone doesn’t allow for wireless Bluetooth tethering, so I have to resort to using a single USB cable to connect my phone to my laptop if I want Internet access when wifi isn’t available. What is this, 1973?
Too many things to eat. There are so many great restaurants in San Francisco that I often find it difficult to decide what to eat. I face this decision daily, as I barely have time to cook at home. This forces me to eat out daily, sometimes for every meal.
Going to the grocery store. When I do eat at home, I have to get my groceries from somewhere. I prefer going to farmers markets for locally grown produce and cage free eggs, but if the farmers market isn’t running that day then I have to go to the grocery store and buy genetically enhanced shit covered in pesticides transported from across the country in 18 wheelers.
Hair stylist is unavailable. The thought of someone else cutting my hair conjures up all sorts of questions. Is she alive? What if this new person sucks? Will people say it looks like a blender cut my hair?
I have to custom tailor all my pants. For some reason, off the shelf pants never fit me perfectly. With every pants purchase comes another time consuming visit to my local tailor, who fits and adjusts them with the precision of a heart surgeon. This also means I have to take into account the cost of tailoring when shopping for another pair of pants I probably don’t need.
Disrupted mobile wireless access. When I finish reading a book while on my daily Muni commute and want to purchase a new one to read, I can just switch on 3G wireless on my Amazon Kindle and purchase books on the fly with one click. Except when I’m in the underground tunnel and there’s no reception. Now all I can do is check Facebook and Twitter on my phone. Oh wait, I can’t do that either!
Deciding which Kickstarter projects to fund. A recent addiction of mine has been to browse Kickstarter for new, exciting projects to fund, which means giving my hard-earned money to hungry entrepreneurs to help them get started. There are just too many awesome projects that I want to give my money to. These are the types of tough decisions I am forced to make.
Buying coffee. The problem here isn’t in the act of buying coffee, but where to buy it from – Blue Bottle, Four Barrel, Ritual or Philz? Recently, my friend Thera asked me, “Hey Gene, do you like Starbucks?” To which I immediately and emphatically replied, “Ew, hell no. Starbucks is fucking gross.” It was only until after she laughed that I realized I had been baited into proving a point she was trying to make at my expense.
I wish I could say that these are all of my first world problems, but they sadly aren’t. However, if it weren’t for all my first world problems, I wouldn’t be as thankful for everything I have – health, family, a roof over my head. They serve as a reminder to not take things for granted, and anything can be taken away from you at any moment. They also remind us that there are real problems occurring all over the world, and we shouldn’t take such trivial things so seriously. So the next time you’re buying a $5 cup of coffee and the shop runs out of organic soy milk, don’t complain – be thankful that it’s the worst of your problems.